Before you leave for the Middle East, I want to give you some information you will want to remember as you travel in the Arab world. 
One of the primary ways for Arab people to show hospitality is the act of coffee and tea. Hospitality is overwhelming in the Arab world and nothing highlights it more than visiting a home or an office and being offered coffee or tea (coffee will be offered in Lebanon, Jordan and Palestine and tea in Egypt). Here are some of the rules:

Your mindset should be:  I am not hungry or thirsty and I am not greedy for food or drink (even if you are jet-lagged and would just love to have a cup of coffee right away). Your attitude is this: I am not here to see you because I will get something out of it. I am here to see you because I am only interested in you. I can ignore food and drink. It is far from my mind.

The host will ask: “Have you tried our coffee (tea) since you have been here?” (They are getting ready to serve you coffee or tea even if you don’t want it.) Your answer is not necessarily what you have been taught all your life. Your answer should be noncommittal. Don’t say: “Oh, yes, we just love your coffee, etc.” It is best to say something like: “Please, we don’t want to bother you. We are here to see you. It is so wonderful just to be in your home. How is your family?” They will come back and insist. You can protest again. Coffee or tea is coming!

At this point, they will ignore you, leave and fix coffee or have someone in the family do it. Don’t fight it. Let them do it.

When coffee or tea arrives, take it and drink it even if you don’t like it. In Lebanon coffee is thick and sweet—something more akin to thick syrup than coffee. You might think of chewing it rather than drinking it. It is not drinking the coffee that matters once it is served. It is taking part in the ritual. Don’t hurry. Sip a little. Show some joy on your face, but don’t say anything. Being too effusive at this point may make you sound greedy. When they ask, “Do you like it?” then say, “Yes, it is fine. Thank you.” But don’t be too complimentary. If you do, it can give the impression you are more interested in the quality of the coffee than you are in the person who served it.

The same is true in Egypt where the drink will be tea. It is HOT and it is served in a small, clear glass without a handle. The only way you can manage to drink it and not be burned is to pick up the glass at the very top where the hot tea is not touching the glass. It is best to let it cool for a minute before you try to drink it.

Coffee in Jordan (only in a Bedouin situation) is served differently than in Lebanon or Palestine. You are given an empty cup and you hold it up when they come around to pour coffee from a decorative pot with a long spout. The coffee in Jordan is most likely to be very bitter and not sweet. It is poured out in small quantities and they will come around again and ask if you want more. If you don’t want more, and that is perfectly okay, then just shake your cup from side to side; nothing else needs to be said. They will move right on to the next person. Again, it is not how much coffee you drink. They don’t really care. It is taking part in the ceremony.  

Many times some kind of sweet will be served with the coffee. It will be very sweet and most likely have a Middle Eastern flavor. However, don’t be surprised to find that your hosts have gone out and bought American donuts because they know that Americans like them. The Arabs plan hospitality ahead and are never caught off guard.

You don’t have to finish your coffee. Leave some in your cup. You don’t have to finish your sweet. You may leave some of that, too. In the Middle East, don’t follow what your mother taught you: “Eat all your food; remember the poor and suffering!” To clean your plate shows that you want more and that you are still hungry and the reason you came was to eat and drink. Take a couple of sips of coffee or tea. Leave the rest. Take a few bites of your sweet but leave some on the plate. Let them take it back to the kitchen. They will think nothing of it. The same holds true with a meal. If you say you like something, they will expect you to eat it all and they will go out to the kitchen and get some more. Be careful about saying you like something. If you clean your plate, they will fill it up again without asking you and be insistent to the point that you will have no choice but to eat all over again. If that is what you want, then clean your plate.  

Take time when you meet with people over coffee or food. You are not there to eat and drink. You are not there for business. You are there to build a relationship. You are there to get to know them. Inquire of their health, their family, their work, their life. Enjoy the coffee or tea and the sweets. Relax. Kick back. Be entertained. Yes, sure, you may have business to conduct, but leave it at the door (in some cases with your shoes). You are there to meet people and to become friends. When you are ready to go and have had a good time and built some relationships, you might bring up business or, better yet, leave it until another visit. If you bring up business, it should be something you almost forgot and just happened to remember as you are getting ready to get up and go out the door.

Please don’t think any of this cultural understanding is meant to be misleading. It is not. Have you ever tried to understand your own cultural background and rituals from another culture’s perspective? Try it and you will find it is lots of fun.

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About Leonard Rodgers:

Leonard Rodgers is the founder and president of Venture International and the co-founder of Family to Family. Rodgers began his work in the Middle East in 1963 and established three organizations in this history-rich region of the world.

As a result of his influence and training, many young people now hold leadership positions in all walks of life throughout the Middle East and the world. Leonard and his wife of forty-eight years, have three children and six grandchildren. Leonard and Pauline live in Tempe , Arizona , part of the greater Phoenix area.  Leonard continues to travel extensively in the Middle East and Central Asia . Because of his expertise in Middle Eastern culture and concerns, he is a sought-after adviser to many organizations and groups. He is available to speak at conferences, workshops and events. You may contact him at the office address at the end of this page or by e-mail at: Lhr@ventureint.org